Page 6 - RYAN'S GIG GUIDE DECEMBER 2014

NICK
J TOWNSEND
Nick J Townsend is the frontman and
guitarist for British band Weak13
An experienced Underground
musician and music promoter
Supporter of original music rggsince 1995
RGG December 2014 - p.6
Merry Christmas Ryan's Gig Guiders
According to popular media the non terrorist
Irish rock band U infiltrated all iPhones around
the globe thanks to Apple dolloping an entire
album of theirs onto music playlists What with
all the cyber hacking whistle blowing and
technophobia of the times this attempt to draw
attention to the iPhone (the genius successor
to the iPhone ) was allegedly considered by
masses as a violation of privacy and seemed to
be taken more seriously than the Ebola virus
which ironically has killed less people than the
music of U Victims had to be carried out of
their normal masturbation chambers laid out on
stretchers and transported to phone shops whilst
simultaneously crying into their mobile headsets
during FaceTime as if Bono The Edge and the
other two had all gang raped them under the
watchful iCloud of the dribbling ghost of Steve
Jobs
The bizarre thing about all this is that if U did
this to promote their album then how bad is it
that it has now become the most deleted album
in the history of music? I haven't heard anyone
tell me what it sounds like yet probably because
it's been completely deleted; hopefully this
trend will continue and we can delete every
thing else they've done including that film
which failed to assassinate Bono despite the
promise the movie title made in the theatrical
trailer I wonder what happened to the less
successful U ?
Live Aid is supposed to be appearing again soon
because we still haven't cured famine or
balanced the distribution of wealth; fat tax
dodgers such as Sir Blob Geldoff marked the
th Anniversary of the patronising single "Do
they know it's Christmas Time?" by premiering
an up to date customised soulless version of it
on the X Farter TV show and begged all the
brainwashed viewers to hand over their fucking
money and download the single; hopefully they
will delete it once they realise Bono is on it
Personally I think they should have changed the
title to "Do they know that our last single
probably funded the research to create the
man made Ebola virus?" but it's probably not
tacky enough as a song title
Buying singles at Christmas isn't the experience
it used to be Years ago you'd walk into a
Woolworths OurPrice or even a W H Smiths
store and see colourful shelves displaying the
top records Back then you had a basic idea
of what was in those charts because a midweek
TV show called Top Of The Pops presented by a
paedophile along with a Saturday morning
programme called The Chart Show (which
seemed to be controlled by the computer from
the film : A Space Odyssey) which would
fast forward the shit bits and give you a weekly
music update Nowadays we have no idea what
our music charts are doing or who's in them;
you just blindly wait to receive an iTunes gift
voucher bought by your grandmother from a
supermarket and take a lucky dip